Forget Everything and Run.
Face Everything and Rise.
Our actions don’t come out of nowhere. Actions are fueled by our feelings. More accurately, by our FEAR of feelings.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, tells us that our reaction to an event starts with our thinking, which makes us feel a certain way, which causes us to act on that emotion.
Addiction is fueled by fear and shame. Shame for feeling the way we truly feel, and fear of others finding out. Fear keeps us disconnected and living a double life of impression management.
It is hard to keep up a false front. f humans are hard wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, then there's a good reason we are driven to the next drink or drug or bet or mall or chocolate bar. It keeps us from feeling painful emotions. For a minute.
The problem with stuffing our feelings with food, or drowning our sorrows at the bar, is that they don't go away. They just go underground. Feelings that are buried don't die. They're like zombies - buried alive - digging and clawing their way back to the surface.
Here's a little exercise to help you ease fear and regain control of those dark places. Just fill in the blank:
"The one feeling or trait that I am most afraid of someone seeing in me is _____________."
For me, the answer is "vulnerability." It has taken me years of switching addictions and healing work to come to terms with my humanity and develop the confidence to stop worrying about what other people think of me.
How about you?
Kim Halsey is a human resource professional and executive coach who helps people overcome life damaging habits, restore important relationships, and live their dreams without drama.