I have always had an active imagination. Some of it was gifting - the ability to see beyond what is being presented. Call it insight. Call it intuition. Call it prophesy.
I can "read" three to five layers beneath the story my clients tell me. I read between the lines with laser accuracy. People who know that about me either love me (because the Truth will set you free) or hate me (because first, it will piss you off.)
I have spent a good chunk of my time and energy in this life trying to fly under the radar. If I don't see the truth about a situation, then I don't have to wrestle with the cursed how's.
How should I confront this one?
How should I approach this person?
How should I phrase this in a way that will bring healing (instead of hurling)?
How come other people can't see what is so clear to me?
How can I get away with ignoring the call this has on my life?
I can't. You see, it is absolutely true that you don't get to choose a calling. It chooses you.
Your job is to simply say "Yes."
Or die trying.
I am the only person I know who can gain a pound a day without even trying. My body is a fat building machine.
This is how I take care of myself. I don't beat my body into submission. I don't wage war with the disease. I use the energy to fuel positive movement.
Today that meant a meeting of the minds with the committee in my head. You know, the part that thinks it can run the show when nobody's looking or listening. The default programming that takes over when stress hits.
You'll get to meet each one and learn how to apply Organizational Leadership skills to become the CEO of your own life as I share these tips with professional women in areas of body image, career success and relationships.
Never affirm or repeat about your health what you do not wish to be true
I'm reading a fascinating book by Dr. Lissa Rankin (a real M.D. kind of doctor) entitled Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself.
Backed by extensive research on the placebo effect and spontaneous remission, Dr. Rankin digs deeper into the field of epigenetics (the way our DNA is modified based on our thoughts and beliefs.)
So it looks like my big sister was right all along. When our mother was dying of lung cancer, the idea of stress-related illness was distinctly new age. As was its treatment. While she focused on helping Mom with a smooth passing, I focused on my own internal dialog and the reactions of those around me.
I think I see a pattern here. The Committee was in, and in charge, once again. I swear, sometimes I think my head is out to get me.
For years I have pondered the wisdom of the 12-step meeting tradition of introductions. The opening line for everyone in the room is "Hi, my name is Kim and I am a (fill in the label with alcoholic, addict, compulsive overeater, compulsive gambler, etc.)
Suddenly dozens of counter statments come to mind.
Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so - Shakespeare
As within, so without - Hermetic quote
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he - Proverbs 23:7
But my all time favorite is from the book "Search for Significance" by Robert McGee: "I am deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted by God, and absolutely complete in Christ."
Yes, I Am. Are you?
In any dialogue between two people, five things occur.
1. What person #1 said
2. What person #1 meant to say
3. What person #2 heard
4. What person #2 thinks person #1 meant
5. What person #2 said back to person #1
It's important to know yourself so you can speak your truth in any situation, instead of entertaining the "disease to please" and winding up frustrated or resentful, wouldn't you agree?
Here's today's short version of a solution.
4 simple steps to healthy communication:
Step 1 – if you’re having trouble with a person, that’s the person you should tell. Don't waste your emotional energy telling your version of victimization to people who you know will take your side.
Step 2 – use non-threatening, "I" language. "I feel disappointed when you aren't honest with me, and here's what I need from you."
Step 3 – practice active listening – make sure that what you hear is what the other person meant to say. “So what I’m hearing you say is…”
Step 4 – focus on the solution (what you want to see happen) instead of the problem (what you think someone did or didn't do, said or didn't say, or what you imagine they really meant by it.)
Practice that the next time and tell us how it went.
Just for fun, I counted how many times a day the diet message bursts uninvited into my consciousness. Some came from my environment and some from my own IBSC (itty bitty sh**ty committee.)
I sometimes get the urge first thing in the morning to go weigh. Not doing it, just noticing. Count 1.
2. Getting dressed - does black make my butt look big?
3. Pants still fit so I must not have gained a bunch of weight over the weekend.
Then I got busy rushing for the airport. Didn't notice anything again until seated in the exit row. That is progress since the last time I flew, I noticed myself comparing my body to every woman I saw in the security line.
I call that 'Comparison Shopping' when I compare my insides to someone else's outsides. The end result is always the same. Whether I deem myself better than another woman or worse off than another woman, I feel deeply ashamed either for not measuring up or for measuring at all.
Safely seated, I picked up the airline magazine from the seat back in front of me. The first two pages I randomly flipped to had big colorful ads for stomach surgery for toned abs (wanted to read every single word but chose not to) and a luscious in-flight snack tray that looked healther than it really is. Still, I had to stop myself from calculating calories in my head just because I can. Count 4 and 5.
Instead, I purposefully put the magazine back and began this blog post. As we made our approach into Seattle, with all electronic devices were stowed for landing, I picked up the magazine for 4 more shots at my body image (2 for anti-aging and 2 for whiter teeth) before deplaning.
In Seattle, my email offered yet another solution to losing weight by tapping on body meridians. The rental car radio reminded me I could get paid to lose weight just by calling a toll free number.
What I have learned in this little experiment is not to take any action while 'The Committee' is in. If my head is running with carb counts or last meal/next meal scenarios, it's too noisy to make a decision.
12:25 pm - opened my laptop for the first time and the top story on Yahoo was about Dr. Oz's top six weight loss secrets. Did you ever notice how often there are key ingredients or top secrets you need to know to be successful with dieting?
Considering 95% of the people who lose weight find it again within 5 years, it's a secret that has been well preserved. The language around diets is all-or-nothing, black-and-white, good-or-bad, big-battle, winners-and-losers imaging.
No wonder we struggle. We have become programmed for dissatisfaction and misery. I will love you if... I will accept you when... I will be happy after...
After one last hit to my psyche at the check-out stand (who knew you could weigh less and get a great butt right next to the candy rack?) I took my week's worth of rations to the hotel that will be home for awhile and thanked God for the awareness that is fueling my Magnificent Makeover this summer.
Oh, by the way, I stopped counting at 30+. We are being brainwashed, you know.
It was a good day to listen.
Father's Day means extra work for recovery coaches like me who are never far from the fact that not everyone had a storybook father.
In fact, residual drama over daddy issues colors many family gatherings. Why? Because ghosts from the past like to float around stirring up stuff when we least expect it.
Without forgiveness, there's just too much clutter to remain in the here-and-now.
Here and now, you are not a fatherless child.
Here and now, life is not too much to handle.
Here and now, you are deeply loved and completely accepted.
Here and now, you have abundance.
Here and now, life is good. As good as you think it is, anyway.
Having trouble staying in the here-and-now?
Let's talk about it.
Kim Halsey is a human resource professional and executive coach who helps people overcome life damaging habits, restore important relationships, and live their dreams without drama.
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