Here are my "a-ha" moments from day 1 of the Gifts of Imperfection with Dr. Brene Brown.
Dr. Brown found in her research that 85% of adults recall a time that was so shaming it forever changed what they thought of themselves. 50% of those were around creativity.
Whoa - like the time in third grade when I tried to make a gift for my mother in a school art project that involved, clay, paint, and firing. It was torture for me because I am not naturally artistic. Finally I found something I could put together that involved little more than rolling clay into logs and putting them together to fashion some distant relative of a weiner dog.
My wonderful mother prominently displayed it in our home forever it seemed, and I cringed every time I saw it.
So here I am, voluntarily making another attempt at art...for the heart, this time. Here are the new rules:
What do you need to give yourself permission to be, do or have?
The most successful people do five simple things. Every day. Rinse & Repeat.
1. Wake up early. Between 4:30 and 6:00 am usually.
2. Exercise. Doesn't matter if it's yoga or running. It clears the cobwebs and gets your blood moving again.
3. Meditate. Take time to acknowledge the vastness of the universe and your role in it.
4. Eat a good breakfast. Fuel the body, feed the brain, and forget about it until lunch.
5. Plan your day. Envision the top 3 things you need to accomplish, make a mini-action plan to get started on the first one. Imagine the results of a focused, productive day. Feel those feelings and move forward. In certainty. Into action.
The holidays are rapidly approaching and there's no time to waste.
Here's the short version of Section 3 of my book, "25 Ways to Win: The Pocket Guide to Addiction Recovery."
1. Have a Daily Plan
2. Get a Buddy or Two
3. Dare to Dream
4. Embrace Grace
5. Become a Safe Person
If you have trouble doing these things, call me to see if I can help you get focused on living your dreams without drama.
If you haven't already done it, buy the book to help you stay safe and sane during this holiday season. Keep it for yourself, use is as a discussion tool for couples, or give it away to friends as a Pre-Holiday gift before addiction takes all the fun out of yet another holiday.
I have always admired people who can paint. Or draw. Or sketch. I don't believe at this moment that I am one of those.
I decided in about 2nd grade that art was not my thing. I settled over time for my stick-figure drawings. My creative outlet took the form of words, thoughts and ideas and it has served me well.
So, imagine my surprise when, after signing up for the Brene Brown/Oprah extravaganza to begin next week, I realized I needed to purchase approximately $70 worth of art supplies. Ugh! Even shopping online for the items I know nothing about makes me feel inadequate to the task.
Vulnerability means risk. Suddenly this feels like work. It will be my mission to find joy in the process of making a mess. Guess I'll find out if art really does imitate life or vice versa.
Impression Management. It's how we 'posture' to make ourselves look good, acceptable, even desirable in the world.
At work, it's the clothes we wear, the degrees we hold, the people we know, the office we inhabit, or the influence we wield.
At home, it's the house we live in, the car we drive, the church we attend, the sports we play, the way we care for our children.
It's all about looking good to avoid rejection. It's about controlling what other people think of us. It's about looking good.
It is what causes people to feel like a fake. It's what creates a double life. When the image we portray is different from who we know we are when nobody's looking. The broader the gap between the two, the harder we grab the reigns of control to keep from being exposed.
A compartmentalized life is about impression management.
Imagine what freedom you might find if you could be all of who you are, wherever you are, regardless of who's watching.
Brene Brown is my hero. I was always told to find someone who has what you want, and do what they did to get there. Simple, right?
Brene Brown is a researcher who bared her soul and shared her findings about the power of vulnerability in a Ted Talk three years ago. Now she's partnering with Oprah and OWN Network to offer a very reasonably priced 6-week course based on her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be, and Be Who You Are.
That's exactly where I am in my personal journey and where the women I work with most need to go.
Some things are better experienced in a small group of like-minded women instead of open to the public via facebook.
I invite you to drop in, join the forum (only members can share or view what you share), and come along with me if you like. Or lurk. Or don't. The choice is yours.
Learn more about the course at BreneBrown.com. Starts October 20 and runs for six weeks.
Kim Halsey is a woman with more questions than answers. She is not a brand, a label, easily understood or readily ignored.
As a realistic optimist, Kim believes that we are bigger than whatever life can throw at us and better equipped than we know.
Her heart's desire is to create a safe place, be a safe person, and leave a path for others to follow.
Are you ready to stop dieting and start living?
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