The trickiest thing in the world for most of us to do is get out of our heads and into our hearts. The second a dream dares to surface, our minds take over to keep us from rocking the boat of status quo. It is just doing it's job to keep us safe, small, and not threatened.
What if you really could eat anything you want without restriction?
What if you could feel anything you wanted to feel without having to justify it to anyone?
What if there was enough love, money and time to go around?
What if the things you have acquired in your pursuit of happiness are just things and happiness still eludes you?
What if the key to happiness lies within and you could easily access it any time you wanted?
That's how you live your dreams without drama. One moment - one heartbeat - one act of compassion at a time. It all begins with you.
I am quick to see (and judge) my perceived imperfections, and slow to accept love or affirm my amazing self. Sometimes it keeps me on the edge of overwhelm for things over which I have no control. Some days I feel like my head is out to get me.
Art Imitates Life
Did you know that an Apollo rocket going to the moon was only on course 2-3% of the time? For every half hour the ship is in flight, it is on course for less than sixty seconds.
Stay the Course
Don't get hung up in what Mike Dooley, author of Infinite Possibilities calls the "cursed Hows." Know where you intend to go. Prepare for the journey as best you can. Trust that you are fully equipped for whatever surprises come your way. And know that occasionally systems may fail and you will have to manually course correct.
That does not mean you are a failure. That is not an excuse to quit and go home. It means you are born for a moment like this. You will prevail. You will survive. You will thrive.
Trust it. Know it. Be it.
Bullying and bingeing are like children who are a bad influence on each other. They can always be found together when a woman is fighting her inner demons around food. But you can never tell which one is the instigator or who started the fight.
Every dieter wants to do it perfectly. It is common for a slip from the prescribed eating plan finds its way into a full blown binge. In fact, it's a biological imperative that food restriction causes the symptoms of disordered eating that drive women into treatment: obsession with food, diets, recipes; impulsive and intrusive thoughts, feelings and actions (just one won't hurt), and finally compulsive eating, binges, sneak eating. Next comes the familiar self-denigration, browbeating, and a solemn vow to never let that happen again. Until the next time.
It would be unrealistic to think our minds could perfectly turn off the voices of our ancestors and the culture we swim in. That perfectionism is no more useful in our eating with permission than it was in our eating with restriction.
Instead of fighting with your inner bully, why not use a teacher’s tactics of taking that voice aside where it can’t do any damage and finding out what’s going on for it? Fear, abuse, judgment. Then maybe you can reassure, comfort and re-employ the inner critic that wants you to drop this gentle eating BS and just go do an intermittent fast. That voice is not you. Your head is out to get you.
Donna Zajonc and David Emerald do amazing work in the field of Recovery from the DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle). I have learned from them and am a certified practitioner in the Power of T.E.D.* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) as well. Today Donna posted an article today about Weapons of Mass Distraction that caught my attention.
How often do we use our devices as distraction to keep from feeling? Is there such a thing as addicted to technology? Do our brains crave the relief of dissociating from our bodies and engaging in drama outside of the mundane daily dreadmill?
Smart phones, I-pads, social media, gaming systems. Frequent notifications, reminders, calls, ads, news flashes and spam folders. Why do you think we resist setting boundaries around these sanity suckers?
I'd love to hear your comments below.
Dare I say that I think 12-step recovery for disordered eating has it all wrong? There are multiple varieties out there - with and without 'food plans', gray sheets, 'guidelines' to healthy eating, and 'lifestyle changes."' All you have to do is follow a few simple rules.
Ahhh, rules. Restrictions. Deprivation. Don't listen to your internal cues, listen to someone else tell you how to live in your body because, after all, you can't be trusted or you wouldn't be there.
And you better plan on staying awhile. A long while. Like - the rest of your life long. Because if you leave your addiction is just waiting for the chance to drag you down a dark alley and you never know if you'll get out alive next time.
The end result is disempowering no matter how you couch it in 'spiritual principles.'
Sorry folks - unless you learn to trust God and your internal wisdom - it's just another (destined to fail) diet. Looking for a way out without losing the good you found in the rooms along the way?
Contact us to see how we can help.
Have you been duped by a narcissist? I know I was. I have been able to simplify the likely diagnosis into into one quick question: Is it all hearts and flowers until you hold a boundary or say "no" to another person? Is that when you see the Dr. Jekyll Mr Hyde personality change that is reserved for your private moments?
When you stop sacrificing who you are for the sake of their comfort, the narcissistic personality will begin a systematic devaluation to undermine your self confidence. If you resist the gaslighting and don't fall back into line, they will take it to those closest to you with or without your knowledge. Sometimes it may occur weeks, months or years before you are even aware it has happened.
There are plenty of videos, counseling tips and tricks on the internet about surviving narcissistic abuse. Here is my short and sweet cure:
1. Don't allow yourself to move out of integrity to please a narcissistic version of what reality should be. They are driven by self-interest even though it may look generous and engaging to the outside world. Their reality is not your reality. Let that be enough.
Kim Halsey is a woman with more questions than answers. She is not a brand, a label, easily understood or readily ignored.
As a realistic optimist, Kim believes that we are bigger than whatever life can throw at us and better equipped than we know.
Her heart's desire is to create a safe place, be a safe person, and leave a path for others to follow.
Are you ready to stop dieting and start living?
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