An old axiom of AA is that you’re only as sick as your secrets.
Sometimes those secrets have been carried for generations, way before you got here. To air the family’s dirty laundry is akin to treason and could definitely get you booted out of the clan.
The inner workings of a dysfunctional family can be stilled into three small phrases.
Don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel.
“Don’t talk about what happens in this house, it’s none of anybody’s business.”
“Don’t trust anybody outside this family, nobody knows you like we do.”
“Don’t feel anything except what we allow you to feel.”
If there is an alcoholic in the home, they are the only ones allowed to express ALL of the emotions. Everyone else gets to walk on eggshells. Your recovery demands that you break these rules and establish new ones to live by.
What are the unwritten rules you grew up with?
Kim Halsey is a Human Resource professional, author, speaker, and Executive Coach certified in multiple disciplines to help people overcome life damaging habits and restore family relationships.